And Her
by and music
Summary: "And then, I realized. That there wasn't any HikaruAndKaoru. KaoruAndHikaru. Not anymore. Now there's HikaruAndKaoru… and Her." Kaoru introspects. ONESHOT.


I really _should_ stop writing at three in the morning. I just write crap when that happens**.**

**Warnings:** Oh yeah, spoilers for Chapters 50-51 of the manga, since this is primarily where it takes place. If you don't read the manga, it's okay, you will still get it anyway, except for who said who in the quotations since I didn't mention them. But you'll get the gist of it anyway. Kaoru's just being angsty. I don't know if those chapters happened in the anime though since I didn't get to watch the final three episodes (I think). For those who read the manga/are reading it, I'm sorry if my quotes aren't accurate. I was too sleepy to look them up.

**Disclaimer: **The following crap belongs to me. Ouran doesn't.

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><p>It has always been the two of Us. There was never anyone else.<p>

It was always Hikaru and Kaoru. Kaoru and Hikaru. And _then_ everyone else.

We never saw anyone important enough, interesting enough, understanding enough, to let them in in our own little world. Because there was no one like that. There was nobody that could break that wall.

Whatever Hikaru is, I am not. And whatever I am not, Hikaru is. It's a big difference, one that keeps us grounded and separate enough. Hikaru's childishness is my maturity, his decisiveness my uncertainty. I am the translation of his thoughts, and he is the expression of my feelings. Sometimes, we think we got it all figured out.

And then we realize.

We didn't.

Most of the time, we _did_ have it all figured out. Unconsciously, we did. Or else, we would have never built this intimate relationship. Sibling love. Codependency. Brother complex. Whatever you may call it. We made it work. Because we understood each other, when no one else did, because no one else could have. We internalized each other's persona, so much so that we completely mesh together unconsciously. And there was no longer Hikaru and Kaoru. Kaoru and Hikaru. There was only _HikaruAndKaoru. KaoruAndHikaru_.

Our minds processed the world together, as one being. As one individual. My strengths covered his weaknesses, and so did his with mine. We were inseparable. Invincible.

We were infinite.

And we were one person.

Whatever Hikaru hates, I will hate. Whatever I am interested in, Hikaru is also interested in. Whatever is his secrets, are mine.

Naturally, what Hikaru wants, I would want as well.

"_What do __**you**__ want?"_

For the first in a long time, there was a conflict within our world.

It was small and unnoticeable, but it was there. An internal struggle pushing as apart. A foreign being planting itself between us.

And then, I realized. That there wasn't any _HikaruAndKaoru. KaoruAndHikaru_. Not anymore. Now there's _HikaruAndKaoru… and Her._

She tapped our walls indefinitely. And it cracked. And she stepped into our world without warning, slowly creeping in. And now our world, once filled with toys and games and loneliness and broken hearts, was now filled with brown eyes and board-flat chest and blunt remarks and fearless spirit.

It was unnerving, having this new creature in our midst. It was all so _alien_ to me.

But we didn't resist it.

"_Let's play the 'Guess Which is Hikaru' game!"_

"_Kaoru is to my left and Hikaru is to my right."_

I don't think we could have if we wanted to.

"_Wrong!"_

"_No… I'm right."_

She didn't understand us, not totally. Perhaps she did. Little by little. But not totally. And it's irritating how someone who could not understand us can sneak into our world without permission.

She's just like that idiotic King. Bursting into our world, creating their own rules.

She doesn't understand, and neither does he. But they always try.

How… annoying.

"_I want you to join this club I'm making."_

To begin with, it's all his fault anyway.

Or hers.

Or both.

They're both at fault.

If they left our world, if they never even thought of entering it, then here would still be _HikaruAndKaoru. KaoruAndHikaru._ But now there's _HikaruAndKaoru… and Her._

_...  
><em>

But there's also Tamaki and Haruhi.

And Hikaru and Haruhi.

...

And Hikaru and Kaoru…

... but not really.

"_Because you love Haruhi._"

And there were times, when there was Kaoru and Haruhi. And he resented those times, and Hikaru tags along during those times, and Haruhi just smiles.

And there were times when there were just us. Not Us, but "us". There was Hikaru and Kaoru and Tamaki and Kyouya and Mori and Hunny… and Her.

She belongs, yet she doesn't.

It's all a complicated relationship. But I treasured those moments. And I wished that it would've stayed a little longer that way. Balanced and perfect. Because in that, there was no just Tamaki and Haruhi, or Hikaru and Haruhi, or Hikaru and Kaoru… and Her.

There was "us". And I never thought I would have treasured "us" more than I would treasure Us. And God knows I will never want to jeopardize this balanced relationship.

But then, someone got selfish.

Without knowing it, he got selfish.

Or perhaps, that's not how it went. Someone realized something.

Okay, a lot of people realized something.

And _that's_ where we got selfish.

Kind of.

"_But what about yourself?"_

"_A person who can't care about himself can't protect anyone, I think."_

Now Hikaru and I, we share everything. We share all our secrets, our memories, our likes and dislikes, our interests and games. We hardly think about it anymore, it's more of a reflex action. I buy two cans of juice for him, and he breaks a cookie in half for me.

But not everything can be divided and shared.

Hikaru wants something. And I want the same thing.

And unfortunately, it's too precious to be divided amongst ourselves.

"_What do __you want to do?"_

...

There was once Hikaru and Kaoru.

And _HikaruAndKaoru. KaoruAndHikaru._

_And HikaruAndKaoru… and Her._

And now there's no _HikaruAndKaoru_ but only Hikaru and Kaoru.

And Her.

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><p>I spent one hour doing this? Man, I suck.<p>

What I hate about this fic is that I had a really good idea for writing it, and it just resulted in... this. It's soooo disappointing. And I know I can still make it better and edit it and stuff, but my brain says I should just post this up because I have other commitments to attend to. :|

Anyway, I guess it's better than not writing at all. I have to start writing on other things, but I couldn't until. I released this idea out of me. Stupid plot bunnies, attacking me at so early in the morning. I might redo this sometime if I'm extremely bored with a lot of time on my hands, but don't bet on it.

Ignore me, I just want to rant a little. I needed release, and what better way than to toy with Kaoru's feelings over a semi-rushed and not-really-thought-about fic?^^

Also, cookies for those who got the Perks reference! Sorry, I couldn't resist using it.


End file.
